Monday, October 10, 2011

Yes, God. I hear you now.

First of all...I know! I told y'all that I wouldn't be very good with this blogging thing. But I am here now and would like to share my thoughts. :)

So, this school year has been CRAZY! I definitely knew what I was getting into considering my entire family is in the teaching kids business but, spirit has been overloaded since, oh I don't know, August. I was really struggling to find balance with what was really important and what just needed to be left alone so I could fully enjoy my family. I won't say that I am 100% there but I am A LOT closer. :)

As soon as I started to even out my crazy girl, mommy, wife, teacher mind Avery makes me question it all over again! It is amazing how God uses our children to speak life and truth to us. Yes, Avery is only 11 months old but go with me here. Let's back-track a little bit. A few weeks ago I go to pick her up from the babysitter and she looks at me and runs the other way. I follow and pick her up so I can hug on her and love her and she starts screaming and clearly wanted to be put down. Well, after this happened a few times I just broke down in tears while on the phone with a friend. (Sorry Lina!) I miss her so darn much during the day and all I want is to love on her for the few hours I have with her at night. But she was making it very clear that she did not want to hang with me... my heart just hurt. Finally, after venting and crying I decided that this was just a phase and she really doesn't know what she is doing so I shouldn't be such a baby myself and get over it. I was doing pretty well for a while! Then today came. I guess I was just having a sensitive day anyways so I couldn't brush things off very well. I go to pick Avery up and she is walking around when I go in the house. She sees me and smiles a little and when I pick her up she starts throwing the biggest fit and screaming. So, I put her down and she walks over to the the babysitter and hugs her legs and does her hand motion for her to pick her up. My heart sank. I gave it a second and then tried to get her again and the same thing happened so I put her down. She went back over to the babysitter who was sitting on the floor and started giving her hugs and looking back at me with this blank expression and then turned back around and hugged her again. It took some pretty deep breaths to fight back some tears. I don't know why I got so upset but it just hit me all over again! Those of you who have had children are probably thinking this is no big deal, but give me a break...I am a rookie! I will learn. Anyways, tonight I sat down to rock her for a few minutes and I just looked and her told her "I will love you matter how much you push me away". Aaaannnd it hit me. Is that not exactly how God feels with us, His children? I mean honestly, how often do we run away screaming and He follows us, probably with tears in His eyes? What a perfect illustration He painted for me. I seriously sat there and was looking at Avery thinking "I would die for this perfect child"...could He have laid that out any clearer?! He gave His only son for us. Jesus died for us...Jesus died for me. All I could think at that point was "yes, God. I hear you now."

I won't lie...I am still sad that Avery is pushing me away so much, but I see the big picture now. By gosh God knows exactly how to get a momma's attention! ;)

Saturday, July 23, 2011


So this morning I cleaned up a little, as usual, and then decided to wash Avery's bottles. Naturally, I scoop her up and take her in the kitchen with me so I can watch her at all times. As soon as I start washing the bottles Ms. Avery decides she wants to stand WITH mommy so she latches on to the back of my legs and pulls her cute little self up. She is now standing behind me sticking her head between my legs and looking up at me laughing! She was having a grand ol' time but I decided this is not the safest thing b/c we are in the kitchen, on the tile floor, so I sit her down and give her other things to play with. Naturally, this did not reach the same level on the fun-o-meter for her so we go back and forth...she stands up....mommy sits her down...she stands up....mommy sits her down...etc. Guess who won...yes, Avery. This is how we finally looked...she is standing holding onto my legs all the while blowing her lips and licking the back of my leg while I am standing on one leg with the other wrapped around the back of her so she doesn't fall and bust her head open. I am laughing hysterically and all I could think was that I looked like a flamingo...a flamingo mommy washing bottles! What a way to start the day. :) 

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Here we go!!

Well, I have done it...finally! After I got pregnant Blake looked at me and said "we need to set up a blog"...meaning that I needed to set up a blog and I needed to remember to post and update it all the time. Here we are a full year later and I finally did it! Truth be told I am pretty excited about sharing our daily life and of course pictures too! I will admit that a post too long for facebook is what prompted me to sit down and start the blog...sad but true. How about I share the noted thought...

Avery is at that stage of crawling and just now standing but not able to walk yet, which frustrates her very much, so she has decided to be generous and share her frustrations with mommy and daddy. She will stand at the coffee table and then get mad b/c she can't move to her next post without sitting and crawling, therefore, she yells, no, I mean she YELLS at us so we will go over to her and help her walk to the couch/jumper. Also, she has decided she doesn't like sleep. She has been fighting us for daaaayyyyysss on this one, actually more like almost two weeks. She will stand in her crib, throw her pacifier out and continue to pitch the most ridiculous fit that lasts for at least 30 minutes. And before you ask any questions like: "Is she hungry? Is she sick? Is she teething? Does she need a diaper change? etc", no, maybe, and no. We give her a bath, give her a bottle, check her diaper, and if we feel it is needed we will give her some Tylenol (ya know, for the teething thing). Of course, since she is yelling "maaammmmaaaa", at the top of her lungs, I go in there like every five minutes to comfort her and maybe cry a little myself and ultimately put her back in bed. So, in a nutshell, we are worn out and the patience in our house is wearing thin. However......... God happened to me tonight. As I sat on my couch with Avery in my lap falling asleep (yes, I know...) I felt complete peace. As I reflected on the "rough last week" it hit me like a slap in the face...I should be thankful that my child has the health to test my patience. After thinking about all those who have lost a child or have watched there child battle through illness I was completely humbled. Honestly, I felt like a weak brat. My heart goes out to those families that have endured such things and my prayers go up as well. I can honestly say I am thankful. I am thankful for every sleepless night, every very long day, and every five steps I take with Avery to get her from the table to the couch....with every piece of my heart I am thankful.